The Alternative Syndrome

This is just an expression of the fact that if one has failed to get off with someone (because she's not interested, or because of one of the syndromes), or has broken up, then the pain of the loss can be much reduced if someone else is available.

That is to say, if there is an alternative boyfriend/girlfriend. The effect is better if there is actually someone one can contact and offer a date to. But to concentrate the mind on finding someone else - such as going to some place where there is the prospect of meeting someone (dance, disco, holiday, clubs) - will help.

If there is difficulty in meeting people, then things like computer dating is a way of getting some dates. Even just getting a list of names will take a lot of the pain out of the failed or broken relationship.

We will say a few words about computer and blind date methods of meeting people. The chances may not be high that one will find a girlfriend from such methods. One may well find that some of the people appear a bit strange or behave in strange ways. Unattractive girls are more likely to behave more normally and form relationships - while attractive girls do not, or will be especially prone to various syndromes. This is probably what one would expect: unattractive girls will have difficulty in attracting men by other means, otherwise they may well be normal; attractive girls would normally not have need of such systems if they have normal ability to form relationships. Another factor is that meeting people in this way causes them to have far less respect for each other. This is probably due to the fact that normal courting rituals have been disrupted - we have seen how important these pre-dating moves are in getting to know each other. When a couple have negotiated these successfully, then there is a sense of achievement, and they tend to respect each other for it. All these are swept aside in computer dating and blind dates, and one is plunged straightaway into an overtly sexual encounter. As with all animals as mentioned right at the start, if some of the rituals aren't followed, the sexes are unlikely to get together. And the rituals haven't caught up with modern methods of communications.

An example of the confusion: if the girl takes the iniative in contacting the man, and they arrange to meet, inevitably she will wait to be asked for the second date. Also computer dating does not separate out 'Scared Girl' effects. These factors may have a lot to do with the reasons why people who meet in this way appear to behave strangely. This may not be especially strange, but are under the stain of a situation where the normal rituals of behaviour cannot be followed.

Nevertheless, such blind dating will provide a focus away from your other problems, and one may be lucky.

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