A basic rule of courtship is that the man must ask the girl for the first date. We have seen in the Jane/Jean Syndrome that this state may last for half a dozen dates, after which the girl will start to suggest things to do. In this same syndrome we saw that the girl may start making sexual suggestions around this time. Girls will take the initiative in living together or marriage, but never or hardly ever in the initial date offer - which starts to turn them into a couple. There may be great desire on the part of the girl to get together with the man, but even so she waits to be asked. There may be other means for her to advance, such as taking any opportunities to talk to the guy, occasionally suggesting coffee or a drink.
While girls complain about this rule, they say they couldn't go up to a man and ask him for a date as she believes the man would think she was too forward. Maybe this is part of the courting ritual where the girl controls sex (despite the advances in technology) until she gets to know the man - appearing too forward is against this. The guy must first declare himself. While the offer of a date is couched in terms of attending some event, what he is really proposing is that she be his girl - and he needs to repeat this for around half a dozen times before the girl begins to feel he is her man. Get-off at a party may short circuit this a bit - but the man must still ask for the first date thereafter.
We saw in the All or Nothing Syndrome that a relationship proceeds through stages. This instinct is sufficiently strong - that the man will stay with the girl and support her in raising a family together - that the stages cannot be jumped. She would rather forgo a promising relationship (even at the most extreme levels) than jumping the stages (as her asking for the first date would do).
Contraceptive technology has had the effect of speeding up the time to cover the stages - but has not as yet breached the first one - the initial date offer.
Problems can occur if a girl accepts a date offer, co-operates in fixing the date, then stands the guy up on the night. On getting a date offer the man will expect the girl to co-operate in fixing firm arrangements, providing or agreeing dates she can make. If she stands him up then clearly she has failed in such co-operation. The man may reasonably expect her to provide alternative dates she can make. The girl is more likely to follow this Syndrome: the date did not take place, so the man must ask her to another date. The girl should realise that if she stands a guy up she runs the risk of losing him. She may however think she has valid reasons: she may think the date offered was not a good enough date offer, and/or she got a better offer from another guy, or some other Syndrome occurred which made her want to react against the guy (e.g. Sue/Carol Syndrome). Especially if she went out with someone else then she was someone else's girl for that date, and the original guy must start again with a new date offer - as he would have to do for a number of subsequent dates. Naturally we have the scope for serious misunderstanding which can prevent the relationship ever occurring - even in extreme cases where the girl really wants to get together with the man she will not breach Only the Man must ask. Things can be made much worse if the guy does not renew his date offer - and she goes into Isobel Syndrome. The guy may reasonably assume that her not fixing firm arrangements is because she really wanted to say "No", and her subsequent unfriendliness was to insure he got the "No" message. Naturally girls should insure if they have to stand a guy up because of a diary glitch they should offer an apology, explanation and importantly a range of alternative dates they can make so that the date can be re-scheduled there and then. If she stands him up for other reasons she runs the risk of losing him, even if he would be prepared to an alternative date if she supplied one.
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